Dear Charlotte

on

Dear love, you are so clever. Always learning, expanding, growing, always curious. I love watching you grow. You have become so kind and thoughtful, I see you thinking of others. I see you giving generously to your sister and thinking of her when she is not around. I feel your little hand gently patting my back when I hold you. This year I watched you grow outside of yourself in a way that blows me away. I felt my heart grow three sizes too.

This year, is, I hope the worst birthday you every have. We are stuck at home because of a scary and terrible sickness that is spreading rapidly through our country. I feel sad because you had just started to get interested in talking to and playing with other kids your age. Although you don’t seem to mind staying home with just your family too much, I hope you get your chance to make friends and have playdates and go on great pretend expeditions with other little people.

I don’t know what the future looks like anymore, I have a feeling it is forever changed from the version I had built in my mind. You may never notice. I hope that whatever the new normal is, you can seamlessly transition and never feel too much sadness for the way things used to be. I will do my best to make sure we have some happiness and always love no matter what.

But right now, today, it is your birthday. This day that you came to live Earth side with me. Five years has gone by so fast! 5 trips around the sun, 5 years of your little soul living with us. I still want to hold you and wrap you up and carry you with me everywhere. It is an honor to be your mama. You breath new life in to me everyday that we are together. You teach me so much about love and kindness and patience.

Things I love about you at 5: You are hilarious, you make jokes and then laugh at them! You are generous and considerate. You are brave but also cautious, your sister runs in melee style and you are the watcher from a distance carefully assessing how you can follow her. The two of you are formidable! Such a force of nature! I am in awe of the gifts that you and Emily are and I can’t pinch myself enough to understand how I was so fortunate to be bestowed with you two.

Happy birthday my tiny, ferocious, warrior pixie! My rainbow baby, thank you for choosing me and our family. I hope you read this when you are older and know that you are revolutionary, you are loved, and you are important.

One day when you are ten, or twelve, or twenty, I will give you the biggest hardest longest hug and remind you of this day and the joy that you are.

Love always,

your mama

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