A ninth birthday in quaratine

My dear one,

I have thought for a long time about what to write for you today. Writing that you won’t read until you are much older or maybe even after I am no longer living.

It’s your birthday. You are excited, and anxious, and even a little sad. This year your birthday comes to us at the beginning of a scary time. People are sick and dying and the thing that is killing them is virus that has yet to be controlled. People in the past lived through similar times and humanity survived. I know humanity will survive this time too.

But on your birthday, we can’t have a party, we can’t have presents from friends, we can’t share playtime or food. And I am so sorry for that. I tried really hard to make it special still. I think I can see that you recognize that. I think you are handling this incredibly well.

We make new memories and forge new traditions this year. Maybe some that we will keep forever. Today you are 9! I still can’t believe that those nurses from the hospital let 23 year old me take you home with me. 9 years of trial an error, you are my first pancake. I made all mistakes with you. I am so sorry. It really isn’t fair to you. I hope you will forgive me. I love you so much and I know you deserve so much better. I try everyday to be the mom you deserve, the mom you inspire me to be. Quarantine has brought out the best and the worst in all of us, we are growing every day as humans.

9 is new, 9 is already so different than 8. I see you moving away from your dolls and pretend play, and more in to independent things. It’s ok. I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming.

Happy 9th birthday my dear one.

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